My April Fool's Joke (posted 31 Mar 06)

Ever have the feeling you are about to win a Darwin Award?
The Darwin Awards

Physics Lesson Drilled Home for Antioch Couple

(Tribue Reporter D.R. Abby, March 31, 2006, Antioch)
Authorities responded to a 911 call from the home of Eugene and Jessica Szatkowski Friday evening in this small, quiet lake community north of Chicago. The couple were rushed to Lake Forest Hospital with multiple contusions and burns. Both are reported to be in stable condition.
Police Chief Barney Fife said that the situation was unusual for his department.

"When we arrived, the garage door was open and they were just rolling around on the driveway, yelling."

A spokeperson for Lake Forest Hospital said that both Szatkowskis were admitted with pieces of glass imbeded in their faces and arms. In addition, Eugene had a piece of metal protruding from the left side of his face.

Once the Szatkowskis were stable, doctors were able to put together the events that led to the couple's odd injuries.

"Apparently, it started out as a celebration," said Doctor Quincy Adams, the attending physician in the Lake Forest Emergency Room. "They thought they might have a glass of champagne to celebrate the fact that they had won a major client for their business."

The Szatkowskis run a digital video surveillance company from their home in Antioch.
Apparently, the cork to the bottle of champagne was difficult to remove. Doctors and police assume that when the Szatkowskis were unable to completely remove the cork from the champagne bottle, they took it into the garage where Eugene attempted to remove the stubborn stopper with a cordless drill.

"I guess they forgot that when champagne opens, it throws the cork out with a lot of pressure," Fife mentioned.

The resulting release of pressure from the champagne caused the glass bottle to shatter at the top, blowing glass at high speeds into the faces and hands of the Szatkowskis. The small explosion was apparently also enough to break the bit from the cordless drill. The metal in Mr. Szatkowski's left cheek was determined to be a broken 3/8" drill bit. The first and second degree burns on the couple are assumed to have come from the speed of the cork leaving the bottle, or possibly pieces of the drill bit brushing against the heads and arms of the unfortunate couple.

Although the scene seemed dramatic at the outset, the glass pieces from the bottle managed to land only in the upper lip, nasal cavities and eyebrows of the two. Doctors say the Szatkowskis are lucky to still have full function of their eyes.

The couple is likely to be released from Lake Forest Hospital Saturday.